Masculine and Feminine Energy in the Workplace
Did you know that we ALL have a mix of masculine and feminine traits and energy? And by “all” I mean every single one of us. Lately, I’ve been learning more about this. It’s been fascinating, to say the least. Basically…
I’m working on integrating my feminine and masculine, yin/yang mojo and I’m pretty sure Mr. Miyagi would be proud. I’m specifically interested in bringing awareness to how we can make a magical mashup in the workplace.
But before we dive into that, check out this graphic showing feminine and masculine traits.
A few quick facts about how this works.
We all have a primary mode (feminine/masculine) that is most natural to our core.
Although it’s common, just because you’re male, doesn’t mean that your natural mode is masculine and vice versa. You can be female with a natural masculine leading tendency.
We can get out of whack and lean too heavily one way or the other.
We’re at our best when we lead with our natural core mode and have a healthy integration of the other.
You will attract people that operate primarily, in the opposite mode as you do.
It’s how magnets work. But, Listen up. I said the mode you operate in because many of us are out of balance and not operating in a mode that is actually most natural and core to who we are. I’m not going to deep dive on this now, however, note this as you’re building a team. For sure note this if you’re considering a marriage proposal.
I believe for years (probably most of my life) I’ve been overcompensating and operating in a more masculine mode, even though my natural core is feminine.
Well, Jen… what in Sam Hill would cause you to do that? Great question, friends! So glad you asked!
We lean towards masculine traits when we’re in survival mode
This last year is a perfect example when you think about the periods of “survival mode” many of us have been in. How many of us have had to muscle up, compartmentalize, get focused, make things happen, and GET SHIT DONE?!
During the initial phase of quarantine, I was in a highly-logical make-decision mode. I leaned very masculinely in how I was operating. And, it’s good to note, we can only operate that way for so long… before you can’t. We shut down, our bodies carry stress and tension, our emotions take over. It’s part of our body’s way to force us into balance.
If you’re in a season, or if your life circumstances have required you to take charge, you may be operating with more masculine traits than what’s actually natural for you. I’d encourage you to slow down and leave space, see what beauty surfaces for you.
The second reason I’ve leaned more into my masculine traits …
the workplace is accustomed to leaders with a primarily masculine energy
Take a peek again at the list of masculine and feminine energies at the top. Typically our most “successful” leaders are out front with masculine characteristics. I’m not necessarily suggesting that needs to change. In my career, that’s the way I prefer to operate most of the time. We need to be focused, linear, efficient, and decisive.
Lord knows how I lack patience and have a high need to get things done yesterday!
However, I would propose that we have an opportunity to be more aware of when, and how, we can intertwine feminine traits in the work environment. Here are a few quick ideas:
Make Room for Creativity
Creativity, when it comes to anything (which includes problem-solving), requires a different kind of time, space, and breathing room. You can’t write a song, the same way you crunch numbers. There’s no buckling down and just doing it. You literally have to get all the elements right, and then kinda sit, and be a channel, and play around with ideas. It’s playing at work. And that can’t happen in a 15-minute time block while someone is sitting outside your door waiting to chat. Carve out literal time, and create the right environment to allow for creative thinking.
Show Compassion
Slow down enough to show your people that you care. Ask about their weekend. When they’re talking about a challenge, exercise that empathy muscle and consider how you’d feel in their shoes. And then connect with them on it, verbalize your care and resist going immediately into a problem-solving mode (I’m preaching hard to the choir over here).
Lead with Vulnerability
Brene Brown is the queen of this topic, so I’m not going to even pretend to try. She’s written multiple books on it. The one coming to mind now is Dare to Lead. Basically, the old way of standing on a mountain top, looking down on people, and pretending your crap doesn’t stink, isn’t working anymore. People don’t want to follow that kind of “leader.” They want to know we’re real, and that we’re in it with them. Vulnerable, by the way, does not mean weak. It also does not mean wishy-washy. You can be vulnerable and be strong.
For me, leading with vulnerability means my team knows when I’m having an off day. I can think of many times this last year when I showed up not knowing how we’d navigate everything going on. I do my best to admit when I miss the mark. I tell them when I’m feeling defensive. I don’t pretend to have all the answers and I ask for help when I need it. And you guys, I mess up all the time. I hope this doesn’t come off like I’ve got it all figured out. Because I’m self-conscious often about being “too” fill in the blank. Too vulnerable, too silly, too feminine, too short, etc. It’s a constant work in process.
The real beauty in leading with vulnerability is building the kind of trust where your team will tell you when you have a black seed from an everything bagel in your teeth.
That’s true though, and it just happened two weeks ago (thank you Jason Spars)! Now, whether we like it or not, we’ve been forced into vulnerability and leaning into feminine traits this last year.
We’ve gotten pretty dang vulnerable and transparent because of all the things COVID and social unrest (particularly in Minneapolis).
You can’t hide that your kids are running naked through the house while you’re on a Zoom meeting if they dodge under your feet. It’s forced vulnerability.
We’re bringing people into our homes via Zoom, and that’s pretty personal.
We’ve had to be more transparent about all we’re juggling and struggling with. Distance learning, caring for ailing parents, partners who’ve lost jobs. Etc.
All the changes have required extreme fluidity and a loss of some structure.
Many of us have had new or heightened mental health challenges, isolation, triggers, and burnout to name a few that we’ve needed to be open about.
We’ve had to get creative about solutions and see the big picture.
As a result, I believe many people have found freedom and connectedness in ways like never before. We’ve also been uncomfortable, like never before.
I’m stumbling into this sense and awareness that now, maybe more than ever, we’re open to and see the value in, a bit more balanced approach in the workplace. And specifically, with leadership in the workplace.
Masculine people. Don’t worry I’m not going to have us all hold hands and sing songs. I won’t force people to cry and talk about feelings all day long. If you’re worried about it getting extra weird. You can quit your crying.
Transparently though, if you are dominantly masculine, it probably does feel a little uncomfortable for you these days. And… if I can say … looking back on all my professional years, it’s been a little “abnormal” or “uncomfortable” for me to not embrace my creativity, intuition, and compassion more naturally in my profession.
With that being said…
I’m grateful for all the support and space I’ve had to find my way of leading.
So now what? What does this mean for the day-to-day?
Consider… what is your natural mode of operation? Google Jake Woodard to take a quick quiz and learn what your core mode is.
Ask yourself, have you integrated your non-primary traits, or are you out of whack?
Take a look back at the list on top again and consider where you might have opportunities to heal, balance, and grow.
When it comes to the workplace:
Remember, not everyone is just like you. And thank God.
If there were dozens of spitting images of Jen running around, we’d have typos galore, lots of big creative dreams, and not many executed. For this reason, I am a huge believer in the value of a team. If you don’t have a team, you can always find people to collaborate with, and that is a team. With differing strengths and perspectives, we accomplish more, understand more, and have more fun.
Lastly, no matter your natural mode, it’s healthy and necessary to bring balance and integration between your masculine and feminine traits (not total equality, simple balance).
If you lean very masculine…
Consider slowing down. Show compassion. Ask more questions. Leave space for creativity, ideas, and projects to unfold in their own time. Check your gut, and consider what your intuition is telling you. Have fun and be playful. Be open and receptive, knowing that you can attract success in addition to chasing it.
If you lean very feminine…
Consider setting goals, seeking accountability, and obtaining structure. Get your feet under you, tackle one thing at a time, and get grounded. Don’t delay making the decision. Be determined and go after it. With focus and efficiency, you can achieve a lot.
If you need any last pointers, watch Cobra Kai and balance that chi.
Take good notes, and let me know what you learn!
xo Jen
PS - I’m really struggling to NOT talk about feminine/masculine roles in relationships. So I’m gonna take a little baby tangent instead. Just to get you thinking. We attract the opposite of how we operate. So - if you keep attracting free-spirited hippies, who can’t be decisive, and love all things feelings OR if you begrudgingly find yourself in a dominant in-charge role, it could be because you haven’t integrated your feminine side well. Start with your internal work, and it’ll start showing up in your relationships.
