Waves of Grief

One thing I’m learning about the waves of grief, you cannot control when they come rolling in. You cannot see them on their way. You could try to contain them and push them back, but there is no equal. There is none that can contain the power of the ocean.

Sometimes the waves crash against you.

And sometimes they wash over you.

This morning, they washed over me. Maybe they washed over me because I let them.

I’m learning to listen to my intuition more. Learning to follow the whispers and nudges and omens. This morning it was to dial in some classical music (which I have done infrequently since college). I tapped on a playlist and selected “O Magnum Mysterium.” Something about this piece called the waves in. Come to think of it, for a few seconds I actually could see them rolling my way.

Take a breath, exhale.

Stand at the shore, arms stretched out. If you must … kneel down…

Let the waves wash over you.

What a relief it is to not fight it anymore. To know that this is where the healing is. This is where Love is.  

This weekend marks four years since my Dad passed.

In his last years of life, he endured a lot. Sadly, he was dim. He was withering. He was human. And while I couldn’t see it physically at the time, through all of it, I had a sense of connection to his truest, brilliant, most vibrant self.

My sister sent over this picture yesterday which I had never seen.

This. This is who I know my father to be.

Healthy. Magnetic. Beaming. In my knowing, he looks and feels just like this. Spilling over with Joy. Love. Peace.

So, while this song has been on repeat, I’ve been writing and vibing and being washed over. And for those of you grieving someone, maybe this is for you too.

Here’s what’s spilling out on my journal pages.

Daughter, I will love you for a thousand lifetimes. There is no depth to my love.

The end of it cannot be reached. Endless love. You miss what you know of me. You miss only what your mind can comprehend. But my dear, I am free. I am loving you now, completely unshackled. I am looking out for you. I am cheering you on.

I am, just like you are, connected to divine Love and all that power and healing is washing over you, and running through you.

You may not remember me at my fullest self on this earth. You were young. What your mind doesn’t remember, your heart does. You received all I had, daughter. All my love, you have it. You have it now. Do you feel that? Even now, Love is everything we have. It’s washing over you and running through you.

Your heart is pure and full. Continue to stir up and cultivate Love. It will feel so full at times, you’ll wonder if it can break you.

My dear, Love will never break your heart, it will only spill over.

And now, the waves of grief that continue to wash over, become waves of Love too great to be contained. There is none that can contain the power of Love.

Let your Love spill over.

xo, Jen

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